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Q: What goes ha, ha, ha, plop?
A: Someone laughing their head off!
Q: What has no beginning, no end, and nothing in the middle?
A: A doughnut!
Q: What always ends everything?
A: The letter 'G'!
Q: What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
A: Look round!
Q: To whom do people always take off their hats?
A: Hairdressers!
Q: Why do you always find things in the last place you look?
A: Because when you have found it you stop looking!
Q: Why do you always walk with the right foot first?
A: Because when you put one foot forward the other is always left behind!
Q: What always falls without getting hurt?
A: Rain!
Q: What word is always pronounced wrong?
A: Wrong!
Q: What is full of holes yet can still hold water?
A: A sponge!
Q: What happens after a dry spell?
A: It rains!
Q: Which is the fastest, cold or heat?
A: Heat; you can catch a cold!
Teacher: Mike, stop showing off. Do you think you are the teacher of this class?
Mike: No, Miss.
Teacher: Then stop acting the fool!
Q: What do sea monsters eat?
A: Fish and ships!
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Q: How do electric eels taste?
A: Shocking!
Supplied by, Chloe Cook aged 10.
Q: What is Father Christmas's wife called
A: Mary Christmas!
Supplied by Amrik Gill, Manchester. aged 10.
Q: What do you get if you cross a Spice Girl with a Takeaway?
A: Egg Fried Spice!
Supplied by Matthew Nesbitt, Newton Abbey, aged 9
Q: Where do spiders play football?
A: Webley!
Supplied by Sandeep Herard, Birmingham.
Q: Why is it hard to play cards in the jungle?
A: There are too many cheetahs!
Supplied by Jabeen Akhtan, West Yorkshire.
Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a fish?
A: Swimming Trunks!
Supplied by Samuel Long.
Q: What do you give an injured lemon?
A: Lemonade!
Supplied by Vikaash Patel, Leicester.
Q: Why did the boy take a pencil to bed?
A: Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
Supplied by Vinette Browne, Welwyn Garden City.
Jokes supplied by friends visiting my homepage.
Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter ?
A: I can't tell you because you will spread it.
From, The Beeching's in Australia.
Q: WHAT DID THE LION SAY WHEN HE SAW THE KID ON HIS SKATE BOARD?
A: MEALS ON WHEELS
From, Jenny Cree.
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No idea (no eyed deer)
From, TRom15@aol.com
Q: Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
A: It was stuck to the chicken foot.
From, Andrew in Adelaide.
Q: Which side of a hen has the most feathers?
A: The outside!
Q: If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left?
A: None were left! All the rest were copy cats!
From, Elizabeth Clinton aged 9 in Brisbane, Australia.
Q: What part of grapes is most explosive?
A: Wine a mite!
From Brian Clinton in Brisbane, Australia
Q: Which meringues always come back?
A: Boomerangs
Q: Why did the cook hunt his eggs ?
A: Because he liked them poached!
Q: What is tall,sweet and french ?
A: The trifle tower!
From Frazer Clinton (the cricket fan)aged 10 in Brisbane, Australia
Q: Where were lemons first found?
A: In a tree!
Q: Where was the Queen of England crowned?
A: On her head!
From Elizabeth Clinton aged 8, Brisbane, Australia.
Q: What's black and white and green and black and white?
A: Two Zebras fighting over a pickle.
Q: What did one penny say to the other penny?
A: If we get together, we could make some cents.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A: He had no guts.
Q: What did the snail say when he got a ride on a turtle?
A: WEEEEEEEEE.
From: Jimmy Stigers age 10, Chico, California.
Q: Why did the mummy go to jail?????
A: becase he had a bum wrap!!!!!
From Megan
Q: Simon can you spell yourname backwards?
A: nomis!
From Laura Ody age9 Swindon.
Q: What do you call a cammal with three humps?
A: humphy!
From Connie.
Q: What did the glove say to the ball?
A: Catch ya later! lolololol
From Tyler Dow age 7 Niagara Falls Ont.
Q: How do you stop fish from smelling?
A: Cut their noses off.
From Kevin.
Q: What's black and white?
A: a newspaper!
Q: what time do you go to the dentist?
A: tooth-hurty!
From Butch.
There was a French man, English man and a stupid man.
The French man caught a rabbit, so the English man said:
"How did you catch it?"
The French man replied:
"I followed the tracks and I caught a rabbit."
So then the English man caught a moose, and the stupid man said:
"How did you get that?"
The English man replied:
"I followed the tracks and I caught a moose."
Then the stupid man comes back and the French man and the English man said:
"What happened to you.?"
The stupid man replied:
"I followed the tracks and I got hit by a train!!!!!!!!"
From Carole Amell.
If you want to see some new jokes on these pages, then submit some!
Yon last revision of this jester's page was on the 7th July 2000.
Back to Mike's Fun Pages.