A snail went to a car dealer. He asked the car dealer how much the car was.
" $9000, if you want anything added to it," the car dealer replied.
The snail thought a moment.
" I'll buy it if you'll paint the letter 'S' all over it", said the snail
"Okay," replied the car dealer. " But why?"
"So when I'm driving down the road, people will say, ' look at that S-car-go'!" (escargot)
Sent in by Terry, Ann and Leslie Allison (allison@snowhill.com)
Q.What's green and Tough?
A.a Frog with a machine Gun
By Tom o'Brien
Q WHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU CROSS A KANGAROO AND A SHEEP???
A A WOOLY JUMPER!!!
Sent in by my mate Michelle Colgan from Stalybridge!
What did the big phone say to the little phone?
You're too young to be engaged!
by Zoe age 10
why did the lady at the fish and chip shop fry her foot?
Because she had no fish left!
Sent in by Heather Young
A Lady walks into a pet shop, and asked if she could have a bird for her
son,
The shopkeeper replied, "sorry we don't do swaps here!"
Sent in by Yvonne Gilbert
Q What did the traffic lights say to the car?
A Don`t look while I`m changing!
Sent in by Tim Mull, and Paula McDonald,aged 11,Glasgow.
Q. What did the policeman say to his chest?
A. You're under a vest.
Joshua Whann, Age 7, Ballymena, County Antrim, Northern Ireland
Q. What flies and wobbles ?
A. A jellycopter
Andrew Whann, Age 5, Ballymena, County Antrim, Northern Ireland
I was on the moterway and i saw two packets of crisps and i stopped and said do you want a lift the said no thanks we are walkers!!!!!!!ha ha ha
from Hayley,Stacy and Kerri age 12 12 and 9
What do you say to a blind dinosaur?
Douthinkhesaurus (Do you think he saw us?)
Submitted by Flick.
why was the sand wet ?
because the sea weed!
By Ashad Mamood aged 19
Q:The octopus said to the shark can I have a ride the shark said?
A:Ok that will be six squid!!!
By Faye Smith (aged 10 ) : )
Q: what sound does a cat in a ferrari make..........
A;meawwwwwww meawwwwwww
Sent in by Joseph Buyakowski
Teacher: For homework today i want you to write an essay on a goldfish.
Pupil: But i don't have any waterproof ink.
What's a hairdressers favourite food?
Par-snips!
What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lily!
Helen Oliver, Ringwood.
How do you get a pokemon on a bus?
Po-ke-mon!
Sent in by Joanne Carter
hat is black and white and eats like a horse?
A Zebra!!!!
Susan Russell 11 years
What is yellow, lives in the fridge and has big teeth?
Cheese( I lied about the teeth)
From Isaac Lewis
Why did the women take a load of hay to bed?
To feed her nightmare.
What's the difference between a bully and a clock?
One goes"tick,tock," the other's a thick thock.
Sent in by Alice Humphries
why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?
because it run out of juice
Sent in by Alan Hibbert
The small rabbit said to the big rabbit "how do you get passed cars at night?"
"Go in between the headlights" the big rabbit said.
So the little rabbit tried it a few times and it worked;
but one day it got killed.
The big rabbit said "ooops! I forgot to tell him about three wheelers!"
Craig Hibbert, East Midlands
A man went to the doctor,and the doctor said, "Did you drink your medicine
after your bath like I told you to?"
"No," said the man, "By the time I'd drunk the bath ,I couldn't manage the
medicine!"
Bryony Hitchcock,age : 10, Silverton.
Which two days of the week are the strongest ?
Saturday and Sunday -all the rest are 'weak' days!
Rosie Barker, age : 10, Sussex
What's black and white and waiting to be read?
A newspaper!
Natalie Clapshaw, age:12, Bradninch
Guess the one thing you always break when you name it ?
Silence!
Abigail Wynyard, age: 8, Exeter.
Teacher: Is this your brother?
Boy: Yes, Sir.
Teacher: He's very small.
Boy: Well,he's only my half brother!
Claire Harris, age:11, Ellerhays.
What o you call an animal that goes 'clip - '?
A one legged horse .
Joe Reed, age : 9, Exmouth
A man started work in the reception of a hotel. The manager told him to greet
them by ther names.
"How will I know what their names are?" asked the man.
"From the names on their suitcases," said the manager.
When the first guests arrived the man said,"Good morning,Mr and Mrs
Real Leather!"
Tim Heap,age:10,Stoke Canon.
Q.Why are elephants big grey and wrinkly?
A.Because if they small white and flat they`d be aspirins!!!!!!!
Q.Whats grey and has a trunk?
A.A mouse going on holiday!!!!!!!!!!
Q.Whats brown and has a trunk?
A.A mouse coming back from his holiday`s!!!!!!!!!
From Becky Shaw
Did you here about the two peanuts walking down the road?
They got assaulted ! (a-salted)
Sent in by Patrick Walker
Why do Polar Bears have fur coats?
Because they would look silly in denim jackets !
From: Anna Homes Age 8
Q. There were 2 biscuits crossing the road, 1 got knocked over, what did the other 1 say?
A. Oh crumbs!
This joke was sent in by Samantha thomas aged 9 1/2 from Swansea south Wales.
Mary had a little lamb
It had a touch of colic;
She gave it brandy twice a day -
And now it's alcoholic!
Why didn't the skeleton go to the disco?
Because he had nobody to go with!
from Sophie Smith
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he wanted to get to the other side!
BY CHRIS HUGHES
My best friends dad is a mushroom seller.. and he's a really fun guy (fungi)!
Sara Torbey - Ireland
Q. What do you call a donkey with three legs?
A. A wonkey
By Eleanor Age 6 KINVER
Q: Why don't sharks eat lawyers?
A: Professional 'court'esy!
Sent in by Christopher Hitchcock
A man walks into bar!
OUCH!!!
A horse walks into a bar.
The barman said "what's with the long face?"!!!
anonymous but funny
Q: Why did the cat cross the road?
A: Because he wanted to show his girlfriend that he had guts!
Sent in by Jamie Case
"Nathan" said his mother severely, "there were two pieces of cake in the
pantry this morning and now there is only one. How is that?"
"I don't know," said Nathan regretfully, "It must have been so dark that
I didn't see the other piece."
Q. What dog loves to take bubble baths?
A. A Shampoodle!
Albert: How do you teach a girl to swim?
Andy: Well, you take her arm gently and let her down into the water, put
your arm around her waist and..
Albert: Cut it out. It's my sister!
Andy: Oh, push her off the dock!
Q.Why didn't the chick cross the road?
A. Because it wasn't chicken!
Q.What happens if you throw a small rock into the red sea?
A.It becomes wet!
Q.Why are a cat and a transactional highway alike?
A.Because it's fur from one side to the other!
From Hannah Capocci, from London, age 13
Q: What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
A: Cliff!
Q:What is this: Flap flap OUCH flap flap OUCH!
A:a vampire with a toothache!
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A: To get to the body shop!!
Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the disco?
A: Because he had nobody to go with!!
By Becky; Scotland
What is the other name for a telephone?
a t.v.phone!
Who invented fire?
Some bright spark!
By Bethany Ridgewell - age 8
Q. What do you call a smelly giant ape ?
A. King Pong !
Luke Lazarski age 9 Southampton, UK
Q.Why did the one armed man cross the road?
A.To get to the second hand shop
Q.Why did the one eyed bird cross the road?
A.To get to the birds eye shop!
Jennifer Kinnear 11 years
why did the one handed man go to the second hand shop?
to get a nother hand
from usman 13 (son of Rizwan Ali Rehman)
There are two cows in a field.
The first cow says to the second, 'are you worried about Mad
Cow Disease?'
The second cow says, 'no, ofcourse not because I am a duck!'
Sent in by Ashleigh Sarah Robertson
If you've landed on this page via a search engine or other means,
and there is no column on the right hand side of your screen
with a menu in it, then click here
to return to our starting point page.